This book complements well

Current page: 1 (book has 9 pages in total) [available reading passage: 2 pages]

This book is well complemented by:

Why are we wrong?

Thinking Traps in Action

Joseph Hallinan

Positive irrationality

How to benefit from your illogical actions

Dan Ariely

The whole truth about lies

Why and how we cheat

Dan Ariely

On Missing Socks, Pickup Lines, and Other Existential Puzzles

HARPER PERENNIAL

Dan Ariely

Disappearing socks, New Year's resolutions and 97 more mysteries of existence

"Mann, Ivanov and Ferber"

Information

from the publisher

Published with permission from Levine Greenberg Rostan Literary Agency and Synopsis Literary Agency

Published in Russian for the first time

Ariely, Dan

Disappearing socks, New Year's resolutions and 97 more mysteries of existence / Dan Ariely; lane from English A. Logvinskaya. – M.: Mann, Ivanov and Ferber, 2016.

ISBN 978-5-00057-829-2

This book is a collection of serious and funny questions from readers of the author's column of the famous writer Dan Ariely and his answers to them. The author, a leading expert in the field of human rationality and irrationality, provides unexpected and paradoxical answers to everyday mysteries from the point of view of behavioral economics. Many questions are supplemented and illustrated with funny comics by William Heifele, illustrator of The New Yorker.

This is a light and enjoyable book with lots of stories and anecdotes that you will definitely enjoy.

Legal support for the publishing house is provided by law firm"Vegas-Lex"

Dedicated to all the oddities, intricacies and beauty of human nature

Introduction

I will try to give a rational explanation for my abilities to observe and comprehend human nature: they originate in my traumas and their long-term consequences. Having received third degree burns, that is, about seventy percent of my body, I was torn from my normal teenage life and spent almost three years in the hospital. I felt out of place among people because I experienced severe pain every day, had numerous disorders of all body systems and huge scars all over my body. All these circumstances sharpened my powers of observation and, as a result, led me to the study of sociology.

Don't get me wrong: I don't think my injuries were worth it. No one can rationally explain so much pain and suffering. But the difficult experiences of trauma, time spent in hospital, and limited opportunities have become a kind of microscope through which I look at life. From this position I saw a lot of human suffering. I have seen people deal with pain and overcome it, and I have seen people who have given up. I encountered a variety of medical procedures and bizarre relationships between people. From my hospital bed, I observed those around me, their everyday lives, wondered at their habits and wondered about the reasons for their actions.

When I left the hospital, my scars, pain and rather strange-looking medical devices and pressure bandages that covered me from head to toe remained with me, and the feeling of detachment from everyday life did not leave me. With the first steps back into the reality I once took for granted, my perspective expanded to more mundane activities, such as how we go shopping, drive a car, volunteer, communicate with colleagues, take risks, struggle, We do frivolous things. And, of course, I could not help but notice the intricate intricacies of love relationships.

And I started studying psychology. Quite soon, my personal life became closely intertwined with work. I remembered placebo drugs for pain and conducted experiments that help explain the effect of anticipation of painful procedures. I remembered receiving bad news in the hospital and tried to figure out what was the best thing to say to patients in such cases. There were many other issues that crossed the line between personal and professional, and over time I became more and more aware of not only my own decisions, but also the behavior of those around me. This was more than twenty-five years ago, and since then I have devoted most of my time to understanding human nature. I was especially interested in our mistakes and how to correct them.

I published scientific articles on these topics for many years, and then began writing about my research in a more free-form, conversational style. Probably because the research was based on my own difficult experiences, many people began to share their own problems with me. Sometimes they wanted to know what sociology had to say about specific circumstances, but more often it was about their own trials.

I tried to answer all the questions, and later it became clear to me that some of them were interesting in themselves. And in 2012, with the permission of the people asking them, I began answering the letters publicly in my Wall Street Journal column. The book you hold in your hands contains some edited and more detailed answers from this column, as well as some previously unpublished questions and answers. And most importantly, the book contains wonderful cartoons by the talented William Heifeli, which, in my opinion, deepen, improve and complement my answers.

Setting aside my ability to provide rational explanations, is there anything else that makes my advice valuable, accurate, or useful? You be the judge.

Irrationally yours, Dan Ariely

Scope of obligations

Dear Dan,

Every year as Christmas approaches I feel like I have to send Christmas cards to everyone I know. And every year the number of postcards is growing and growing. This is getting out of control. Can I start sending cards to only my real close friends?

You may as well only send postcards to your good friends. As a sociologist, I don't think anyone who leaves your list will be offended; most likely, many simply won't notice. Perhaps this will even free them from the obligation to send you cards next year. This way you will solve both problems at once – yours and everyone else’s. And if you want to stop this Christmas card madness for good, there's always Judaism.

About the art and pleasure of saying “no”

Dear Dan,

I recently received a promotion, and now I am being pestered with all sorts of requests that have nothing to do with my immediate responsibilities. I recognize that it is important to help employees and the company, but all this activity takes up too much of my time and does not allow me to do my own things. How can I better determine my priorities?

Francesca

Oh yes, here they are, the pitfalls of success. A “promotion” always sounds good, but when we get it, we often realize that it comes with increased demands and demands. (It’s strange that we don’t learn this lesson from promotion to promotion and are each time surprised to find such additional costs.)

So, back to the question. This is how I imagine your new life: Every day, a nice co-worker in need of help asks you to do something for him. In addition, such a request is usually made at some future date, for example next month. You look at your calendar, and it looks quite empty, and you say to yourself: “Since I’m practically not busy, how can I say no?” But that's not true. Your future schedule will not be free, its details are simply not yet known. And when the moment comes, you will have an overflowing stream of all kinds of things to do, even in the absence of extraneous requests. And then you will regret agreeing.

This is a very common problem, and I'd like to offer three simple tools to help you prioritize better.

First, whenever you hear a request, ask yourself what you would do if it was for the next week. Look at your schedule and figure out whether it’s realistic to give up some of your responsibilities to make room for a new task. If you cancel some things, go ahead and say yes. But if you prefer something else, say no.

Secondly, when you listen to a request, imagine that you look at your calendar to see if you can fulfill it, and find that all the time is filled to capacity and that day you are unable to cancel anything, maybe even you not in the city. And try to evaluate your emotional reaction to this news. If you are upset, then go ahead and agree. If you feel relieved, refuse.

And finally, learn to feel the elation we sometimes feel when something is cancelled. To do this, imagine that you agreed to fulfill a specific request, but later it was canceled. If you are happy, then the answer is obvious.

About dissatisfaction with innovations

Dear Dan,

I am a long-time Netflix customer1. She recently removed about one thousand eight hundred films from circulation, and added only a few, albeit very good ones. I know that I would probably never watch any of these withdrawn films, but I am still upset and am considering canceling the company's services. What made me so upset?

As a movie fan, I understand your problem well. The essence of such an emotional reaction is the fear of loss - this is one of the basic and well-studied principles of sociological science. Research shows that any loss has a greater emotional impact on a person than receiving something of equal value. Getting back to Netflix, the point is that having movies removed from your list feels like a loss and is felt so painfully that missing out on a less-than-great movie is more frustrating than getting obviously better movies.

Another consequence of the fear of loss is that you view the new collection of films in a negative light, as a loss, while new users of the company see only the new film list without any worries about the fact that it was cut without their consent, and are more likely to update positive.

It seems to me that you treat Netflix more like a museum, providing you not just with certain films, but with an exquisite selection of aesthetic experiences. But we do not consider ourselves the owners of works of art stored in museums, and therefore should not be upset when the exhibition changes. If you can change your attitude in this way, you will begin to enjoy Netflix again.

About the diet

Dear Dan,

This is probably a common problem, since everyone has been on a diet at some point. My question is: why does the short-term pleasure we get from food outweigh the long-term benefits? And how can we tame our desire for food and overeating?

As you rightly noted, diet is contrary to our inherent nature. This often happens when we have fantastic ideas about ourselves in the future. What we will do, what we won’t, what decisions we will make and what we won’t. But when it comes to our everyday alternatives, often the short-term arguments outweigh the long-term arguments, and then our dreams are transplanted to back seat cars (and sometimes even in the trunk). When we are not hungry and someone asks us how many sweets we intend to eat in the next month, we think we will limit ourselves to one or two desserts. However, when we sit in a restaurant and see our favorite dish on the menu or find ourselves in front of a platter of cakes, we have very different thoughts about the importance of getting dessert right then and there. Looking at a triple helping of chocolate cake changes our priorities. In behavioral economics, this is called shifting focus to the present.

Besides, dieting is really hard, much harder than quitting smoking. Why? Because we are either smokers or we are not. But with a diet it’s different - we cannot choose the role of eaters or non-eaters. We have to eat, and therefore the question is posed differently: what do we eat and when exactly is it time to stop? And since there are no clear rules on this matter, it is especially difficult for us to follow a diet.

So how should we deal with this problem? The simplest solution is to realize the scale of the challenge and try to avoid non-diet foods from the very beginning. If there is no cake in our house, then most likely we will eat it less often. And if we replace the cake with sweet peppers, we will eat sweet pepper because it is available. We may decide that sweets are unacceptable to us. Or let’s allow ourselves sweets only on Shabbat. Another useful and relatively simple rule is to not have any sugary drinks or prepared snacks in the house. Such introduction of strict, almost religious rules of diet can be very useful. Having mastered them, we will be able to easily determine at any time whether we are following our long-term plans or not, and this will contribute to our prudent behavior.

About forgotten and forgiven debts

Dear Dan,

Many years ago, my friend asked me to borrow a significant amount of money. I was happy to help her at the time, but years have passed since then and she has never mentioned it. This event cast a shadow on our relationship. What should I do? Should I tell her about this?

Probably because you did her a favor and gave her money, you think that she is the person who is obliged to talk about it. This is probably true from a moral perspective, but the problem is that when you lent her money, you changed the balance of power in your relationship, and this asymmetry makes it very difficult for her to broach the subject.

Someone definitely needs to raise this issue, and given the asymmetry that has arisen, I think you should do so.

Now that we have come to the conclusion that the initiative belongs to you, next question– what can I say? If you need money, I'd suggest something like, "I was happy to lend you money a few years ago, but I'm trying to sort out my bills for the next few weeks and I'd like to know when you'll pay it back." If you don’t need these funds at the moment and want to give them to a friend, you can, for example, say: “You once asked me for money, and I just want to make sure that you understand that it was my gift.”

Either way, talking about this topic may seem unpleasant in the moment, but it could save your friendship in the long run.

About marriage and economic models

Dear Dan,

an economist friend of mine told me that marriage is like gambling, where someone bets half of everything they own on the fact that their partner will love them forever. Do you agree?

Economists have many different ways of looking at human behavior. Some of them are deeply flawed, but often still interesting and sometimes useful. The perception of marriage as a game of chance is an excellent example of an economic view that is both false and practical. Describing social and romantic connection as a casino bet ignores human relationships (the fallacy part) but highlights the greater potential for loss that people rarely consider when deciding to get married (the practical part). Moreover, I suspect that this particular view of marriage does more harm than good, for at least three reasons.

First, while comparing marriage to the stakes in a game can be an instructive cautionary tale, married people think differently about their lives together, their children, their commitments, and their plans for the future. Second, while it may be fun to view marriage as a game of chance, we should not stoop to that level. And finally, I am convinced that when we are around people we care about, we shouldn’t even think about such an approach.

Dear Dan,

What is the purpose of the “like” button on Facebook? Why, for example, is there no “dislike” or “hate” button?

The “like” button on Facebook is a way to express our attitude towards other people, a subtle hint about which post is good (and which is not good), and at the same time a hidden instruction on how we should or should not behave on the social network. Adding buttons like “dislike” or “hate” can change the way we think when reading various posts and put us in a negative frame of mind. I think this will very quickly destroy the positive atmosphere of Facebook. In my opinion, it would be worth adding a “love” button.

Dear Dan,

a few years ago I graduated from college. Since then, my social life has been limited to Facebook. And this doesn't make me happy at all.

Facebook has many great qualities, but I agree with you: it is not a replacement for human face-to-face interaction.

In college, you probably had a busy social life, but you probably also racked up student loans. Now the social part is over and all that's left is debt. It's time to change the rules of the game: when you again think that no one really cares whether you live or die, try missing the debt repayment deadline a couple of times. And you will immediately receive a lot of attention.

About Kopi Luwak coffee

Dear Dan,

On my recent trip to Los Angeles, I stopped at a cafe that served a very expensive coffee called kopi luwak, or civet coffee. I was surprised at how incredibly expensive it was, and the barista described to me the special process of making coffee. The Indonesian civet animal, which looks like a cat, eats coffee beans, and people then collect the berries that are not digested by it, dry them and roast them and thus get the most unusual type of coffee, which is considered more delicate due to the journey the coffee beans have undergone. Its price reaches hundreds of dollars per half kilo. I was curious, but didn't dare buy it or even try it. Can you explain why people are willing to pay huge amounts of money for this type of coffee?

I think you made a mistake. You should have tried one cup, partly because the unique and unusual coffee still intrigued you, and partly because this story could become an interesting one of your own (and isn't a good story worth a few dollars?) Anyway, next time When you pass by a cafe that serves kopi luwak, drink a double espresso.

Regarding coffee quality: From the information I found, civet cats know how to find the best coffee beans, and the enzymes in their digestive system process the beans, reducing their acidity and thus improving their quality. (I have no idea how this actually works, but it's interesting.)

So why are people willing to pay so much for civet coffee? Perhaps they are paying for something new and interesting. Or maybe the reason is in the specifics of the effort expended. This unique manufacturing process is much more complex than a typical cup of coffee, and we know that people tend to pay more for something that requires more labor, even if the product itself is not better. And civet coffee is just an example of pricing based on effort.

And finally, I wonder how much people would be willing to pay if the grains passed through an American man instead of an Indonesian animal? In my opinion, despite the very interesting story and for the amount of effort involved, this particular cooking option is too much for us.

About misfortunes and wedding rings

Dear Dan,

my future wife wants to get a ring with a two-carat stone, but I would prefer to buy a simpler ring and spend the remaining money on a house, wedding, etc. Most of her friends support the expensive ring, and besides, she herself has been dreaming about it for a long time. What do you think about this absurd behavior? Please advise what to do.

First of all, there is a difference between behavior that is absurd and behavior that is difficult to understand.

The dream of a diamond ring can be explained by the fact that women love such things precisely because men hate shopping for them. If you buy an item for the woman you love that makes you happy, that’s good. But overcoming disgust when purchasing is the strongest signal of your love and participation.

Imagine that you are giving your beloved something that you like to buy, or something that you yourself would like, for example, a DSLR camera. Of course, this is a wonderful gift, and I am sure that it will be received with a bang. But the problem is that it will be difficult for you to tell how much of your efforts are explained by romantic feelings, and how much they correspond to your selfish desire to buy this particular gift. On the other hand, imagine that you hate both the buying process and the item itself, but you buy it anyway. Your actions are crystal clear and demonstrate that you are doing it out of deep love and affection for your beloved. That's why it's so important to buy something you don't like, and at a price you don't understand. This is a true sign of love and care.

So, this year, when you buy jewelry or flowers for your dear friend, don't forget to remind her how difficult it was for you. And if you want to prepare for next year, you need to start your campaign by letting her know how much you hate DSLR cameras and how painful and expensive you find the process of buying such pointless products.

Dan Ariely

Disappearing socks, New Year's resolutions and 97 more mysteries of existence

Dan Ariely

On Missing Socks, Pickup Lines, and Other Existential Puzzles

Published with permission from Levine Greenberg Rostan Literary Agency and Synopsis Literary Agency

Legal support for the publishing house is provided by the Vegas-Lex law firm.

This book is well complemented by:

Thinking Traps in Action

Joseph Hallinan

Positive irrationality

How to benefit from your illogical actions

Dan Ariely

Why and how we cheat

Dan Ariely

Dedicated to all the oddities, intricacies and beauty of human nature

Introduction

Current page: 1 (book has 8 pages in total) [available reading passage: 2 pages]

Dan Ariely
Disappearing socks, New Year's resolutions and 97 more mysteries of existence

Dan Ariely

On Missing Socks, Pickup Lines, and Other Existential Puzzles

Published with permission from Levine Greenberg Rostan Literary Agency and Synopsis Literary Agency

Legal support for the publishing house is provided by the Vegas-Lex law firm.

* * *

This book is well complemented by:

Why are we wrong?

Thinking Traps in Action

Joseph Hallinan

Positive irrationality

How to benefit from your illogical actions

Dan Ariely

The whole truth about lies

Why and how we cheat

Dan Ariely

Dedicated to all the oddities, intricacies and beauty of human nature

Introduction

Setting aside my ability to provide rational explanations, is there anything else that makes my advice valuable, accurate, or useful? You be the judge.

Irrationally yours, Dan Ariely

Scope of obligations

Dear Dan,

Every year as Christmas approaches I feel like I have to send Christmas cards to everyone I know. And every year the number of postcards is growing and growing. This is getting out of control. Can I start sending cards to only my real close friends?

About the art and pleasure of saying “no”

Dear Dan,

I recently received a promotion, and now I am being pestered with all sorts of requests that have nothing to do with my immediate responsibilities. I recognize that it is important to help employees and the company, but all this activity takes up too much of my time and does not allow me to do my own things. How can I better determine my priorities?

Francesca

This is a very common problem, and I'd like to offer three simple tools to help you prioritize better.

About dissatisfaction with innovations

Dear Dan,

I am a long-time Netflix customer. 1
Netflix is an American company that provides films and TV series based on streaming media. IN recent years the company began its own production of television series, which are available only to its customers. Note translation
She recently removed about one thousand eight hundred films from circulation, and added only a few, albeit very good ones. I know that I would probably never watch any of these withdrawn films, but I am still upset and am considering canceling the company's services. What made me so upset?

About the diet

Dear Dan,

This is probably a common problem, since everyone has been on a diet at some point. My question is: why does the short-term pleasure we get from food outweigh the long-term benefits? And how can we tame our desire for food and overeating?

As you rightly noted, diet is contrary to our inherent nature. This often happens when we have fantastic ideas about ourselves in the future. What we will do, what we won’t, what decisions we will make and what we won’t. But when it comes to our everyday alternatives, short-term considerations often outweigh long-term considerations, and our dreams end up in the backseat of the car (and sometimes even the trunk). When we are not hungry and someone asks us how many sweets we intend to eat in the next month, we think we will limit ourselves to one or two desserts. However, when we sit in a restaurant and see our favorite dish on the menu or find ourselves in front of a platter of cakes, we have very different thoughts about the importance of getting dessert right then and there. Looking at a triple helping of chocolate cake changes our priorities. In behavioral economics, this is called shifting focus to the present.

So how should we deal with this problem? The simplest solution is to realize the scale of the challenge and try to avoid non-diet foods from the very beginning. If there is no cake in our house, then most likely we will eat it less often. And if we replace the cake with bell peppers, we will eat bell peppers because they are available. We may decide that sweets are unacceptable to us. Or let’s allow ourselves sweets only on Shabbat. Another useful and relatively simple rule is to not have any sugary drinks or prepared snacks in the house. Such introduction of strict, almost religious rules of diet can be very useful. Having mastered them, we will be able to easily determine at any time whether we are following our long-term plans or not, and this will contribute to our prudent behavior.

About forgotten and forgiven debts

Dear Dan,

Many years ago, my friend asked me to borrow a significant amount of money. I was happy to help her at the time, but years have passed since then and she has never mentioned it. This event cast a shadow on our relationship. What should I do? Should I tell her about this?

Someone definitely needs to raise this issue, and given the asymmetry that has arisen, I think you should do so.

Now that we have come to the conclusion that the initiative belongs to you, the next question is what to say? If you need money, I'd suggest something like, "I was happy to lend you money a few years ago, but I'm trying to sort out my bills for the next few weeks and I'd like to know when you'll pay it back." If you don’t need these funds at the moment and want to give them to a friend, you can, for example, say: “You once asked me for money, and I just want to make sure that you understand that it was my gift.”

Either way, talking about this topic may seem unpleasant in the moment, but it could save your friendship in the long run.

About marriage and economic models

Dear Dan,

an economist friend of mine told me that marriage is like gambling, where someone bets half of everything they own on the fact that their partner will love them forever. Do you agree?

About social networks and social norms

Dear Dan,

What is the purpose of the “like” button on Facebook? Why, for example, is there no “dislike” or “hate” button?

* * *

Dear Dan,

a few years ago I graduated from college. Since then, my social life has been limited to Facebook. And this doesn't make me happy at all.

Facebook has many great qualities, but I agree with you: it is not a replacement for human face-to-face interaction.

About Kopi Luwak coffee

Dear Dan,

On my recent trip to Los Angeles, I stopped at a cafe that served a very expensive coffee called kopi luwak, or civet coffee. I was surprised at how incredibly expensive it was, and the barista described to me the special process of making coffee. The Indonesian civet animal, which looks like a cat, eats coffee beans, and people then collect the berries that are not digested by it, dry them and roast them and thus get the most unusual type of coffee, which is considered more delicate due to the journey the coffee beans have undergone. Its price reaches hundreds of dollars per half kilo. I was curious, but didn't dare buy it or even try it. Can you explain why people are willing to pay huge amounts of money for this type of coffee?

And finally, I wonder how much people would be willing to pay if the grains passed through an American man instead of an Indonesian animal? In my opinion, despite the very interesting story and the amount of effort involved, this particular cooking option is too cool for us.

About misfortunes and wedding rings

Dear Dan,

my future wife wants to get a ring with a two-carat stone, but I would prefer to buy a simpler ring and spend the remaining money on a house, wedding, etc. Most of her friends support the expensive ring, and besides, she herself has been dreaming about it for a long time . What do you think about this absurd behavior? Please advise what to do.

First of all, there is a difference between behavior that is absurd and behavior that is difficult to understand.

Dan Ariely

Disappearing socks, New Year's resolutions and 97 more mysteries of existence

Dedicated to all the oddities, intricacies and beauty of human nature

Introduction

And I started studying psychology. Quite soon, my personal life became closely intertwined with work. I remembered placebo drugs for pain and conducted experiments that help explain the effect of anticipation of painful procedures. I remembered receiving bad news in the hospital and tried to figure out what was the best thing to say to patients in such cases. There were many other issues that crossed the line between personal and professional, and over time I became more and more aware of not only my own decisions, but also the behavior of those around me. This was more than twenty-five years ago, and since then O I devoted most of my time to understanding human nature. I was especially interested in our mistakes and how to correct them.

I tried to answer all the questions, and later it became clear to me that some of them were interesting in themselves. And in 2012, with the permission of the people asking them, I began answering the letters publicly in my Wall Street Journal column. The book you hold in your hands contains some edited and more detailed answers from this column, as well as some previously unpublished questions and answers. Well, and most importantly, the book contains wonderful cartoons by the talented William Heifeli, which, in my opinion, deepen, improve and complement my answers.

Setting aside my ability to provide rational explanations, is there anything else that makes my advice valuable, accurate, or useful? You be the judge.

Irrationally yours, Dan Ariely

Scope of obligations

Dear Dan,

Holly

You may as well only send postcards to your good friends. As a sociologist, I don't think anyone who leaves your list will be offended; most likely, many simply won't notice. Perhaps this will even free them from the obligation to send you cards next year. This way you will solve both problems at once - yours and everyone else's. And if you want to stop this Christmas card madness for good, there's always Judaism.

About the art and pleasure of saying “no”

Dear Dan,

Francesca

This is a very common problem, and I'd like to offer three simple tools to help you prioritize better.

Secondly, when you listen to a request, imagine that you look at your calendar to see if you can fulfill it, and find that all the time is filled to capacity and that day you are unable to cancel anything, maybe even you not in the city. And try to evaluate your emotional reaction to this news. If you're upset, then go ahead and agree. If you feel relieved, refuse.

About dissatisfaction with innovations

Dear Dan,

I am a long-time Netflix customer. She recently removed about one thousand eight hundred films from circulation, and added only a few, albeit very good ones. I know that I would probably never watch any of these withdrawn films, but I am still upset and am considering canceling the company's services. What made me so upset?

Kristen