We turn on the charm according to the methods of the secret services read online. Review: “turn on the charm using the methods of the secret services” - how to make friends with anyone. The friendship formula and its application in real life

The power of charm according to the methods of the special services. Meet the book “Turn on the charm using the methods of the secret services” from the publishing house MYTH. The book Turn on the Charm was written by 2 intelligence agents Jack Schafer and Marvin Carlins. Read the article and learn how to use the power of charm and the secrets of charm from the book to acquire friends, business partners and a spouse.

The power of charm according to the methods of the secret services book

For a long time I have not seen books written according to the scheme: a textbook with illustrations and explanations for them.

However, the MIF publishing house again pleased with the high-quality translation of the book, equipped with explanatory photographs and practical tips that are easy to follow even for an inexperienced reader.

This is probably what the methodology should look like for intelligence agents who use their charm to the fullest to instantly “become one of the people” in any campaign, among strangers.

Cover of the book “Turning on the charm using the methods of the secret services”

We, as readers of the book by D. Schafer and M. Karlins, can use the secrets and power of charm to become "charming cutie" or "a charming bastard“, and achieve your goals in communication: make many friends and acquire useful connections and acquaintances.

“I learned that people will forget what you said and they will forget what you did, but they will never forget how you made them feel.”. Maya Angelou

All books by Dale Carnegie that you can find and download - without comments, as well as:

Psychology of Persuasion Robert Cialdini, Steve Martin and Noah Goldstein
Communication skills Paul McGee
Laws of influence Susan Weinschenk
The Art of Influence Mark Goulston and John Ullman
I can hear right through you Mark Goulston

People who feel threatened instinctively hide their carotid arteries, pulling their heads into their shoulders, and open their necks when meeting a person from whom they do not expect anything terrible.

Head tilt- a very friendly signal. People who tilt their heads to the side when communicating seem much more attractive and trustworthy to each other.

A man who approaches a woman with his head slightly tilted to the right or left will be considered more interesting and handsome by her than he actually is.

Turn on the charm: TILT THE HEAD

In the same way, men find women who tilt their heads to the side when talking more attractive.

Turn on the charm. Secret 3: SMILE

Smiling causes our brain to produce endorphins, which is one of pleasure. That's why smiling people bring joy and pleasure from communicating with them.

Smile- a powerful signal of friendliness. A smiling face appears more attractive, likable and less arrogant.

A smiling person is easier to approach at a party with strangers.

Turn on the charm: SMILE

The only difficulty is to smile sincerely; people immediately distinguish a sincere smile from a fake one.

Power of Charm: Smile Test

Look at the last picture that I took from the book “Turn on the Charm” and determine: in which photo: the left or right smile young man sincere?

Well, what have you determined? Write in the comments , how did you answer and why - what signs did you rely on?

Turn on the charm: CONCLUSIONS

The most important conclusion from this article: hurry up and buy yourself a book, which was written by Jack Schafer and Marvin Karlins and which was translated by the publishing house MIF for you, since it will very soon become a rarity.
Use 3 charm secrets. When you walk into a bar, a party, or a new office, take a moment raise your eyebrows, slightly bow your heads y and smile. Sincerely. Enjoy chatting with new friends.
Write your own charm secret in the comments. Write comments and you will find at least one friend and mentor: the author of this blog - .

Share the article and 3 secrets of charm on a social network with your friends:

Turn on the charm using the secret services method and forget to turn it off- here is another secret of happy communication, full of pleasure and enthusiasm.

Read the best materials from a happiness psychologist on this topic!
How to develop memory? Today new review for a book about the classical method of memory development. In the book "Memory Development. The Classic Guide to […]

Marvin Carlins, Jack Schafer

We turn on charm according to the methods of the special services

Jack Schafer, Marvin Karlins

The Like Switch:

An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Influencing, Attracting, and Winning People Over

Published with permission from Touchstone, a Division of Simon& Schuster, Inc. and Andrew Nurnberg Literary Agency

Legal support for the publishing house is provided by law firm"Vegas-Lex"

This book is well complemented by:

Psychology of Persuasion

Robert Cialdini, Steve Martin and Noah Goldstein

Communication skills

Paul McGee

Laws of influence

Susan Weinschenk

The Art of Influence

Mark Goulston and John Ullman

I can hear right through you

Mark Goulston

To my wife Helen, gifted with love, strength of character and, above all, patience, which allowed her to put up with my eccentricities during the thirty years of our marriage. Jack Schafer

To my wife Edith and daughter Amber. Thank you for being you, for what you have accomplished, for the love that has enriched the lives of so many. Marvin Carlins

Introduction

How to gain favor with yourself

No one would have thought to decipher the abbreviation FBI as the Federal Bureau of Cordiality. I worked for this organization for twenty years as an agent specializing in behavioral analysis, and during these years I developed the ability to quickly assess people, understand their characters and develop a strategy for dealing with them. My job was to convince people to cooperate with the FBI against their home country, or to identify criminals and get them to confess, sometimes without uttering a single word. As a behavioral analyst, I developed a strategy to recruit spies and make friends out of sworn enemies. In other words, I acquired skills and created techniques that turned enemies of the United States of America into friends and willing spies for my country. In short, my task was to win people's sympathy.

The case of Vladimir (I changed the names and personal characteristics of the people mentioned in the book and sometimes created a character from several to make the examples more clear) perfectly shows what the crux of the matter is. Vladimir arrived in the United States illegally for the purpose of espionage. He was caught trying to obtain secret documents from the Ministry of Defense. As an FBI Special Agent, I was assigned to work with him. At the first interrogation, he stated that he would not talk to me under any circumstances. In order to overcome the resistance of the arrested person, I began by simply sitting opposite him during interrogations and starting to read the newspaper. I would read for quite a long time, then fold up the newspaper, put it on the table and, without saying a word, leave the office. Day after day, week after week, I came for interrogation, read the newspaper, left it on the table and left, and Vladimir sat opposite with an indifferent look, handcuffed to the table.

For the next month we talked about everything except spying. Then, one fine day, Vladimir suddenly said: “I’m ready to talk about what I was doing.” He began to express his thoughts freely and frankly, not because he was forced to do so, but because he liked me and began to consider me his friend.

The interrogation technique I used with Vladimir may seem pointless. But in fact, I carefully planned my actions to get the arrested person to confess and cooperate with the FBI. In this book I will reveal my secret and explain how I won Vladimir's affection, and how, using the same technique, you can win the sympathy of almost anyone for a while or for life. I can do this because, as it turns out, the communication skills I developed for the purpose of gaining the friendship of potential agents and recruiting them can be just as effectively applied to establishing friendships at home, at work and in any other places and communication situations.

I must admit that at first I did not understand that my professional skills could be used in everyday life. It wasn't until late in my FBI career that this opportunity came to my attention. At the time, I was teaching young intelligence officers how to recruit agents. One day, before the start of the new semester, I arrived at work half an hour before class to prepare the classroom. To my surprise, there were already two cadets in the class. I didn't recognize them. They sat like exemplary students in the front row, with their hands on the table. This behavior of the cadets surprised me a lot: they rarely showed up for classes this early. I asked what happened, who they were and why they came so early.

– Do you remember Tim from the previous group? – asked one of the cadets.

“Yes,” I answered.

– A couple of weeks ago Tim and I were at a bar. He told us about your lectures on influencing and building trust.

“So what?..” I asked, still not understanding where he was going with this.

– Tim boasted that in class he learned how to pick up any girl.

“And we decided to test it,” continued the first. “We chose the first woman we could find who was sitting at the bar and suggested to Tim that without a word he invite her to sit at our table for a drink.

- And what did he do? – I asked.

“He accepted the challenge,” exclaimed the cadet. “We decided he was crazy and was taking on too much.” But after forty-five minutes the woman actually came up to our table and asked if she could sit in our company. We couldn't believe our eyes, but that's exactly what happened.

I looked at them searchingly.

– Did you find out how he did it?

- No! - one of them exclaimed, and then they admitted in unison: - We came to learn!

At first I felt bewildered and reminded them of our profession. I said that the purpose of the classes was to train cadets in intelligence skills, and not to train pickup truck masters. But after some thought, suddenly, to my own surprise, it dawned on me. As I thought about Tim's eccentricities, I realized that the methods used to recruit spies could also be used to win games of love. Not only that, but in a broader sense, this technique can be used in all cases where you need to win a person's favor in almost any interpersonal interaction. This insight became the starting point for working on this book and determined its content.

After leaving the FBI, I continued working on my doctorate in psychology and began teaching at a university. It was during this time that I fleshed out my vision by writing a book designed to help people establish successful interpersonal relationships at home, at work, and in all places where such relationships are needed. For example:

New sellers can use these methods to attract new customers;

Experienced sellers will also benefit from the book, learning how to maintain and develop existing relationships, as well as, naturally, attract new buyers;

All employees, from Wall Street managers to restaurant servers, can use these tactics to more effectively interact with management, colleagues, subordinates and clients;

Parents can apply new knowledge to correct, maintain and strengthen relationships with children;

Consumers will learn to receive better service, get better deals, and attract favorable attention from service personnel;

Jack Schafer, Marvin Karlins

The Like Switch:

An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Influencing, Attracting, and Winning People Over

Published with permission from Touchstone, a Division of Simon & Schuster, Inc. and literary agency Andrew Nurnberg

Legal support for the publishing house is provided by the Vegas-Lex law firm.

* * *

This book is well complemented by:

Robert Cialdini, Steve Martin and Noah Goldstein

Mark Goulston and John Ullman

Mark Goulston

To my wife Helen, gifted with love, strength of character and, moreover, patience, which allowed her to put up with my eccentricities during the thirty years of our marriage.

Jack Schafer

To my wife Edith and daughter Amber. Thank you for being you, for what you have achieved, for the love that has enriched the lives of so many people.

Marvin Carlins

Introduction
How to gain favor with yourself

I must admit, at first I didn’t realize that my professional skills could be used in everyday life. It wasn't until late in my FBI career that this opportunity came to my attention. At the time, I was teaching young intelligence officers how to recruit agents. One day, before the start of the new semester, I arrived at work half an hour before class to prepare the classroom. To my surprise, there were already two cadets in the class. I didn't recognize them. They sat like exemplary students in the front row, with their hands on the table. This behavior of the cadets surprised me a lot: they rarely showed up for classes so early. I asked what happened, who they were and why they came so early.

– Do you remember Tim from the previous group? – asked one of the cadets.

“Yes,” I answered.

– A couple of weeks ago Tim and I were at a bar. He told us about your lectures on influencing and building trust.

“So what?..” I asked, still not understanding where he was going with this.

– Tim boasted that in class he learned how to pick up any girl.

- And what did he do? – I asked.

I looked at them searchingly.

– Did you find out how he did it?

- No! - one of them exclaimed, and then they admitted in unison: - We came to learn!

After leaving the FBI, I continued working on my doctorate in psychology and began teaching at a university. It was during this time that I fleshed out my vision by writing a book designed to help people create successful interpersonal relationships at home, at work, and in all places where such relationships are needed. For example:

New sellers can use these methods to attract new customers;

Experienced sellers will also benefit from the book, learning how to maintain and develop existing relationships, as well as, naturally, attract new buyers;

All employees, from Wall Street managers to restaurant servers, can use these tactics to more effectively interact with management, colleagues, subordinates and clients;

Parents can apply new knowledge to correct, maintain and strengthen relationships with children;

Consumers will learn to receive better service, get better deals, and attract favorable attention from service personnel;

And, of course, people who want to form friendships or romantic relationships will be able to use the proposed techniques to develop skills to overcome difficulties in this difficult task (which is becoming increasingly difficult in the digital age).

This book is for anyone who wants to make new friends or strengthen existing relationships, make casual encounters more enjoyable, and earn more tips and bonuses.

How to Deal with Friendship Challenges

People are social creatures. The human species is programmed to seek out friends. This desire goes back to our distant primitive past, when unity offered the best chance of occupying the top places in the food chain, when we emerged from the caves and began to fight for survival in a hostile and merciless world. If you think that at that time finding friends was a pleasant and easy task, then, unfortunately, you are mistaken. Today, the results of many sociological surveys and studies show that there is a growing number of people in the world who feel lonely and unable to even make acquaintances, let alone build meaningful, deep and lasting relationships. The problem is aggravated by the widespread introduction of social networks into our lives, which further isolate people from each other and prevent the establishment of trusting personal relationships.

Making contact with people, especially strangers, is always difficult. Moreover, these contacts are associated with unpleasant and even frightening experiences. It doesn't matter whether you are a man or a woman. In any case, you experience fear: fear of embarrassment, fear of rejection, fear of offending and hurting other people's feelings, fear of making a bad impression, and even fear of possible manipulation and shameless use of you by another person.

Fortunately, forming a relationship doesn't have to lead to disaster. If you want, despite difficulties, to make friends or simply improve an existing relationship with someone, take heart. You are not alone, and your situation is by no means hopeless. I wrote this book specifically to help ease your anxiety about maintaining relationships at work and at home, with people you love, or having to enter into new relationships with strangers. The methods described here are based on cutting-edge science and will give you the chance to learn how to please people without saying a word. In this book you will find various tips on the use of non-verbal signals, with the help of which, just like with the help of words, you can instantly win the favor of any person. However, eventually you will have to speak up. Words turn feelings of sympathy into friendship, and sometimes into life-long relationships.

Fruitful personal relationships are undoubtedly within your reach. This is not a matter of chance or luck. Friendly, trusting relationships are established through the application of proven scientific knowledge and proven methods of interaction with others.

So, now you are only three steps away from the unconditional ability to make friends.

1. You must be imbued with a sincere desire to master the methods and techniques described in the book, and spare no effort in doing so. These methods are similar to the power tools used by construction workers. The trick is to let the tool work. For example, in my early youth I sawed wooden blanks with a hand hacksaw. One day my father allowed me to take the circular saw he had recently bought. I began to work, pressing on it in the same way as on a handsaw. Seeing this, my father patted me on the shoulder and told me not to push so hard and to let the saw do its job calmly and well. The techniques described in the book require exactly the same common sense approach. When using them, be calm, be yourself and let them work for you. You will be quite surprised by the result.

2. You must constantly apply new knowledge to interact with the people around you in everyday life. What you know the best way any action is good only in cases where you use it in practice. Remember that knowledge without practical application is dead knowledge.

3. Reinforce the learned material with constant practice. The friendship skill is like any skill. The more often you use it, the better you get at it. The less often you use your skill, the sooner you will lose it. After taking these three steps, you will realize that making friends has become as common and unnoticed as breathing.

The ability to evoke sympathy is available, it is in front of you. To master this art, simply use the information presented in the book and watch how your LQ (likability quotient), or likability quotient, grows.

1. Formula of friendship

I've learned that people will forget what you said and they will forget what you did, but they will never forget how you made them feel.

Operation "Seagull"

This person's code name is Chaika. He was a senior foreign diplomat. If we could recruit him, it would be a great and valuable asset to the United States of America.

However, we had to solve one difficult question: how to convince a person to renounce allegiance to his native country? To do this, it was necessary to somehow make friends with Chaika and make him an offer that was impossible to refuse. To cope with such a task required patience, careful collection of information about all aspects of this man's life and the establishment of friendly relations between him and the American whom Chaika would trust.

According to our information, he was passed over for promotion several times, and, in addition, our employees were able to overhear Chaika telling his wife that he liked life in America and would gladly retire and settle in the United States if only he could it was possible. In addition, Chaika was concerned that in his homeland he was entitled to a small pension. Armed with this information, security analysts suggested that the diplomat could be won over to our side if we offered him sufficient financial compensation.

Now he had to establish a close relationship with Chaika without frightening him with the prospect of crude recruitment - and this is a difficult task. FBI operative Charles was tasked with establishing contact with Chaika, gradually getting closer to him and building trust in the relationship to such an extent that it would be possible to make him a specific offer. This is how good wine is brought to the required maturity in order to then enjoy its bouquet. The agent was warned that if he showed too much haste, Chaika would most likely become wary and avoid contact. To begin with, the agent should have followed the tactics of establishing friendly relations. The first thing Charles had to do was to please the Seagull without uttering a single word. The second step would be to express the sympathy that has arisen in words with a hint of long-term friendship.

Preparations for the first, most important meeting between Charles and the Seagull lasted several months. Surveillance revealed that once a week the subject left the embassy building and went shopping at a grocery store located a couple of blocks from the embassy. Charles received instructions to regularly catch the Seagull's eye at different places along the route. The agent was warned not to approach Chaika, so as not to arouse suspicion, but simply to catch his eye: to be, so to speak, “here” so that the foreign diplomat would notice him every time.

Being himself an intelligence officer, Chaika very soon noticed an FBI agent who, admittedly, did not strive for secrecy. Since Charles made no attempt to approach or speak to Chaika, he did not feel any threat. He was just used to the fact that an American caught his eye from time to time.

Several weeks passed, and one day, once again finding himself close to the American, Chaika looked into his eyes. In response, Charles nodded his head, making it clear that he noticed this gesture, but did not show any further interest and made no attempt to establish verbal contact.

Several more weeks passed, and only after that Charles began to communicate more intensively with Chaika on a non-verbal level : look into his eyes more often, raise his eyebrows, tilt his head and stick his chin forward a little. The human brain interprets these gestures as "friendly signals."

Charles took the next step in getting closer to Chaika two months later. He followed him into the store, but kept a respectful distance. Now, every time the diplomat visited the store, Charles followed him, still keeping his distance, although several times he passed Chaika in the supermarket aisles. At the same time, the agent began to look his subject in the eyes even more often. Charles noticed that the diplomat always bought a can of peas from the store. After waiting a few more weeks, Charles followed Chaika to the shelf with peas and, when he reached for a can, smiling, he also took a can of peas from the shelf and turned to Chaika: “Good afternoon, my name is Charles, I am a special agent of the FBI.” He smiled back and said: “For some reason I thought so.” After this harmless meeting and acquaintance, a strong friendship was established between Charles and Chaika. In the end, Chaika agreed to supply his friend from the FBI with valuable information.

To a casual observer, Agent Charles' many months of marking time might seem unnecessarily drawn out and incomprehensible, but it was no coincidence that he waited so long. In fact, the recruitment strategy was carefully thought out and worked out, like a masterful psychological operation, the purpose of which was to establish friendly relations between two people who, on their own, would not only never have become friends, but also never met.

As a specialist at the FBI analytical center, I, along with my colleagues, took part in developing a scenario for recruiting Chaika as our operative. The goal was to get Seagull used to Charles's presence and to ensure that the first acquaintance would develop into friendship - if, of course, the agent managed to make a good impression on the target of recruitment. The task was complicated by the fact that Chaika himself was an experienced intelligence officer and could be suspicious of any attempt by an outsider to get to know him. Then in the future he would avoid the suspicious stranger at all costs.

In order for Charles to successfully implement our plan, it was necessary to create such conditions that a foreign diplomat would be psychologically comfortable communicating with an American agent. Therefore, Charles had to take several specific actions, which he did with great And m success. These steps are no different from what anyone would have to do if they wanted to form a short-term or long-term friendship with someone.

Using the Seagull case as an example, we will now examine what led Charles to his recruiting success. In this case, the FBI agent used friendship formula.

Formula of friendship

The friendship formula consists of four main components: intimacy, frequency, duration and intensity. These four variables can be written as the following simple mathematical equation:

Friendship = intimacy + frequency + duration + intensity

Proximity is the distance between you and another person, as well as your regular appearance in his field of vision. In Chaika's case, Charles didn't just walk up to him and introduce himself. Such behavior, on the contrary, would only alienate a foreigner. The specifics of the situation required a more careful and balanced approach. It was necessary to give Chaika the opportunity to get used to Charles and not perceive him as a threat. To achieve this goal, the factor was used proximity. Intimacy is an indispensable component of all interpersonal relationships. Just being in the target's sight is critical to establishing a personal relationship. Proximity makes the object liking you and causing mutual attraction. As a result, people begin to be attracted to each other, even if they do not exchange words.

The main condition for creating intimacy is to be in a safe environment. If a person feels threatened by the overly intrusive and too close presence of another person, then he becomes wary and tries to sneak away, avoiding further closeness. In the scenario of establishing contact with Chaika, Charles maintained sufficient distance so that he did not perceive him as a source of danger and the fight or flight response did not turn on.

Frequency refers to the number of contacts you have with another person per unit of time, and duration refers to the duration of each contact. As time passed, Charles added the impact of the second and third factors of friendship - frequency And duration. He did this by catching the diplomat's eye more often during his trips to the store (frequency). After a few months, Charles turned on the duration component, beginning to spend more time with Seagull whenever he came into his field of vision - for example, taking him to the store, increasing the duration of each contact.

Intensity is the ability to maximally satisfy the psychological and/or physical needs of another person through verbal or nonverbal behavior. The final ingredient in the friendship formula, intensity, was added gradually as Chaika grew accustomed to Charles's presence and became aware of the FBI agent's apparent reluctance to immediately make direct contact. In this case, the intensity was expressed in the factor curiosity. When a new stimulus appears in a familiar environment (in our example, a stranger appeared in the Seagull’s environment), the brain determines whether this stimulus represents a real threat or an imaginary one. If he identifies it as a real threat, then the person will try to eliminate or neutralize it, and the fight or flight response will turn on. If, on the contrary, the new stimulus is not perceived as a threat, then it becomes an object of curiosity and the person seeks to find out who it is? Why is he here? Can I use it to my advantage?

While at a safe distance, Charles aroused Seagull's curiosity, which prompted him to find out who the man was and what he wanted.

Chaika later admitted that at first glance he recognized Charles as an FBI agent. Whether this is true or not, Chaika caught the friendly signals that the FBI man was sending him. And his curiosity only increased after he learned that Charles actually works for the FBI. Certainly, the foreign diplomat understood that they wanted to recruit him, but he wanted to know for what purpose and at what price. Since Chaika was dissatisfied with his career progress and worried about his imminent retirement, he undoubtedly played out in his mind various scenarios of interaction with Charles, including spying for the United States.

The decision to become a spy is not made overnight. It takes time for a potential candidate to rationalize his tactics and justify his renunciation of allegiance to his state. The recruitment strategy included time for the seeds of betrayal to take root. Chaika’s imagination itself supplied the material for the maturation of this thought. In addition, he spent this period trying to convince his wife to join him. When Charles finally addressed Chaika directly, the diplomat no longer viewed the FBI agent as a threat; on the contrary, he saw him as a symbol of hope - hope for better life in the future.

After Chaika had already decided to agree to work for the FBI, he had to wait some more time until Charles finally contacted him. He later admitted to Charles that this period was the most painful. Curiosity reached its peak. Why doesn't the American take the next step? Indeed, when Charles introduced himself to Chaika in the store, he asked: “Why did you wait so long?”

Maya Angelou (1928–2014) - famous American poet, writer and activist civil rights. Note ed.

According to the theory of American physiologist Walter Cannon, developed in the 1920s, negative emotions such as anger or fear are biologically expedient: they prepare the body to develop the most intense muscle activity when engaging in fight or flight. This physical phenomenon is called the fight or flight response. Note ed.

Jack Schafer, Marvin Karlins

The Like Switch:

An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Influencing, Attracting, and Winning People Over

Published with permission from Touchstone, a Division of Simon & Schuster, Inc. and literary agency Andrew Nurnberg

Legal support for the publishing house is provided by the Vegas-Lex law firm.

* * *

This book is well complemented by:

Robert Cialdini, Steve Martin and Noah Goldstein

Mark Goulston and John Ullman

Mark Goulston

To my wife Helen, gifted with love, strength of character and, moreover, patience, which allowed her to put up with my eccentricities during the thirty years of our marriage.

Jack Schafer

To my wife Edith and daughter Amber. Thank you for being you, for what you have achieved, for the love that has enriched the lives of so many people.

Marvin Carlins

Introduction
How to gain favor with yourself

– Do you remember Tim from the previous group? – asked one of the cadets.

“Yes,” I answered.

– A couple of weeks ago Tim and I were at a bar. He told us about your lectures on influencing and building trust.

“So what?..” I asked, still not understanding where he was going with this.

– Tim boasted that in class he learned how to pick up any girl.

- And what did he do? – I asked.

I looked at them searchingly.

– Did you find out how he did it?

- No! - one of them exclaimed, and then they admitted in unison: - We came to learn!

After leaving the FBI, I continued working on my doctorate in psychology and began teaching at a university. It was during this time that I fleshed out my vision by writing a book designed to help people create successful interpersonal relationships at home, at work, and in all places where such relationships are needed. For example:

New sellers can use these methods to attract new customers;

Experienced sellers will also benefit from the book, learning how to maintain and develop existing relationships, as well as, naturally, attract new buyers;

All employees, from Wall Street managers to restaurant servers, can use these tactics to more effectively interact with management, colleagues, subordinates and clients;

Parents can apply new knowledge to correct, maintain and strengthen relationships with children;

Consumers will learn to receive better service, get better deals, and attract favorable attention from service personnel;

This book is for anyone who wants to make new friends or strengthen existing relationships, make casual encounters more enjoyable, and earn more tips and bonuses.

How to Deal with Friendship Challenges

So, now you are only three steps away from the unconditional ability to make friends.

2. You must constantly apply new knowledge to interact with the people around you in everyday life. Knowing the best way to do something is only good if you put it into practice. Remember that knowledge without practical application is dead knowledge.

1. Formula of friendship

I've learned that people will forget what you said and they will forget what you did, but they will never forget how you made them feel.

Operation "Seagull"

This person's code name is Chaika. He was a senior foreign diplomat. If we could recruit him, it would be a great and valuable asset to the United States of America.

Using the Seagull case as an example, we will now examine what led Charles to his recruiting success. In this case, the FBI agent used friendship formula.

Formula of friendship

The friendship formula consists of four main components: intimacy, frequency, duration and intensity. These four variables can be written as the following simple mathematical equation:

Friendship = intimacy + frequency + duration + intensity

While at a safe distance, Charles aroused Seagull's curiosity, which prompted him to find out who the man was and what he wanted.

The decision to become a spy is not made overnight. It takes time for a potential candidate to rationalize his tactics and justify his renunciation of allegiance to his state. The recruitment strategy included time for the seeds of betrayal to take root. Chaika’s imagination itself supplied the material for the maturation of this thought. In addition, he spent this period trying to convince his wife to join him. When Charles finally approached Chaika directly, the diplomat no longer viewed the FBI agent as a threat; on the contrary, he saw him as a symbol of hope - hope for a better life in the future.

Photo: Mikael Kristenson, Unsplash

Zillion.Reading:

“We turn on the charm according to the methods of the special services”

Lack of faith in friendship, loneliness in big cities, lack of close relationships, deceptively comfortable communication in social networks, conflicts, the stress of a crisis need to sell at all costs - former FBI agent Jack Schafer knows what to do with all this. He is far from the idea that friendship, sympathy, relationships and achieving goals in communication are a matter of luck. For many years he studied charm, body language and the laws of attraction. As a result, I understood the formula of friendship and tested it in different circumstances. Today on Zillion - synopsis of the book “Turning on charm using the methods of special services.”

John "Jack" Schafer

Doctor of Philosophy, professor, psychologist. Intelligence consultant and former FBI special agent. He devoted 15 years to counterintelligence and anti-terrorism work. Was an FBI behavioral analyst for 7 years. He searched for methods of recruiting agents, interrogated terrorists, and trained future agents in the art of interrogation and persuasion. Author of numerous articles and 6 books. Professor at the School of Law Enforcement and Criminal Justice at Western Illinois University.

Marvin Carlins

Professor of Management at the College of Business Administration at the University of South Florida. He received his PhD from Princeton University. Consults organizations around the world on effective interpersonal communication. He himself and co-authored 24 books, including 2 bestsellers.

About the book

The authors of the book “The Like Switch: An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Influencing, Attracting and Winning People Over” are John “Jack” Schafer and Marvin Carlins. Jack Schafer is a charming “polite man” in retirement, work in the FBI provided him with a lot of opportunities to learn how to split criminals without pressure, and sometimes even without words, recruit the right people, and solve family and everyday problems.

Shafer is confident that most communication problems can be solved if you act competently; friendship definitely exists (in case you are disappointed in it); creating close relationships is a matter of technique and bilateral willingness to work at it.

In general, this is a rather brutal book - it is written easily, but it will probably be emotionally difficult to read, because you will remember everyone you lost due to strategic and tactical errors in communication. But rather, even because you had neither strategy nor tactics. You and the other party were simply guided by momentary emotions and believed that it was “fate” or “not fate.” In fact, long and deep friendships are worth more than anger and disagreements - and to have close people in your life, you need to work on it. But most people do not even know how to set foot on the path of strong friendship - they are cut off when faced with difficulties during the obligatory period of the so-called “free fall”.

Shafer speaks about the formula of friendship and the laws of attraction without cynicism, he simply talks interesting stories from his agency and personal practice and explains why he managed not to scare off and recruit, easily get recognition, get rid of his daughter’s dubious boyfriends, get a drunk passenger off the plane and fly before everyone else and in business class.

The book pays a lot of attention to communication on social networks and body language. Schafer believes that our communication often fails because we don't listen and see each other - we don't observe, we don't think about what is reasonable to say next, and we don't analyze body language. Usually people let communication take its course: they pick up nonverbal signals only on a subconscious level and react to them mechanically, without meaning. As a result, they do not use a huge layer of information, on which the development of relationships and the movement of the snake from “stranger” to “friend” or “enemy” depends every second.

Organizations like the FBI are designed to be effective problem solvers, so there is a lot to learn from them. By the way, read our conversation with psychologist, programmer and writer Denis Bukin, author of the book “Memory Development Using Special Services Methods” on Zillion.

In general - to everyone, just to try to build relationships with people in the future, and not look for some kind of ephemeral providence in them. Life is much simpler: everything has a cause and effect, and if you have “Brownian” communication, based on momentary reactions and denying psychological patterns, then the results are corresponding.

There are many points of application of this knowledge, depending on the needs: friendship, flirting, family relationships, raising children, sales, solving organizational problems and business problems, discreetly obtaining information, pickup, negotiations, recruiting, etc. Shafer and Karlins leave the ethical aspects to be dealt with independently - knowledge in itself is neutral.

Ideas from the book

Cullen Hightower: "Friends are made among strangers." Friendship or enmity begins from the first second of contact.
Charm solves problems better than anger. No one would have thought to decipher the abbreviation FBI as the Federal Bureau of Cordiality.
The human species is programmed to find friends. But it has never been an easy or pleasant experience. Most people lose budding friendships when they give in to the natural period of “free fall.”
Get into the habit of thinking about what you say. Words can become a mine in communication or turn sympathy into friendship and relationships for life.
Long and deep relationships are available to you - this is not an accident or luck. You just need to use scientific knowledge and proven methods. Handle knowledge like a circular saw: don’t push or stop it from doing its job. Be natural, be yourself and practice. Friendship is a skill.
Maya Angelou: “I learned that people will forget what you said and they will forget what you did, but they will never forget how you made them feel.” Talk in such a way that the interlocutor constantly has the opportunity to compliment himself. Whether you become friends or enemies is determined, in essence, by only one thing - whether the person likes himself when communicating with you.
Look into your eyes, raise your eyebrows, tilt your head. Now do nothing, calmly arouse curiosity in a safe environment.
Strangers watching each other. While we go about our business, the brain is constantly scanning the environment to understand how to perceive those who appear nearby. If a stranger arouses your interest, this means that the brain chose him as interesting.
People give each other signals all the time: obvious and veiled, hostile and friendly. This is clear information - and everyone unconsciously reads it. Don’t be surprised that they didn’t approach you if you turned away or gave you an “angry city look.” Learn body language.
Do not explain or prove anything when a person is angry. He is simply not able to think rationally and make adequate decisions at this time.
If you teach, allow for innocent mistakes to keep things fresh and encourage people to speak up.
If you are presenting a project or startup, convince those who are skeptical. Resist the urge to appeal to supporters.
People like to be remembered. Use “turn bridges”: start with the subject of a previous conversation and recall common jokes.
How did Jan Carlzon bring Scandinavian Airlines System (SAS) out of its doldrums? He allowed staff to resolve issues with passengers directly.
Benjamin Franklin: “He who has once done you good will be more willing to help you again than he whom you have helped yourself.”
It's normal to want to open the emotional floodgates when you feel like you've found a friend. Slow down, use the Hansel and Gretel technique.
Any relationship weakens over time - this is normal. But they can be refreshed and strengthened according to the formula of friendship.
A nice person seems repulsive if he is friends with a group of unlikable people.
Friends are the few who ask how you are doing and listen.
Keep your ego in check. Dominance in communication violates the golden rule of friendship.
A good salesperson creates the illusion of free choice for the buyer, but in reality imposes the choice he needs.
Keep in mind: Direct questions make people wary.
Let me finish my thought. If you don’t like what you hear, wait to protest. Maybe there is a rational grain there and both will be satisfied with a compromise?
Henry Ford: “If there is a secret to success, it is the ability to understand another person’s point of view and look at the world through their eyes as if it were your own.”
At the beginning of love, write sincere letters and put them in a transparent box with the inscription “In case of divorce, break the glass.”
Everything you post about yourself on the Internet will remain there forever.
Don't let virtual reality obscure real connections.

What else will you learn

How to increase your LQ (Likability Quotient) - likability quotient.
What does the “golden rule of friendship” sound like?
How to make almost anyone like you.
How to find friends or pick up someone at a bar if you're shy.
What to do if the relationship breaks down.
What 4 components are included in the friendship formula.
How to smoothly eliminate unwanted contacts without injuring the person.
How to use the “search for common ground” technique.
How to get attention before you even start talking.
What are the Big Three friendly signals?
How to use isopraxy.
What are 7 tricks that allow waiters to get big tips?
How to sell to those who tend to be introverted and extroverted.
What is the "law of the rocky road"?
How to properly present your idea to your boss.
Why is it that every time you have your eye on a vacant parking space, the driver starts rummaging through the glove compartment.