Write an interesting story in English. Short and interesting stories in English with translation. A story in English about mother's love

Level B. Other.

I would like to tell you about

I would like to tell you about the story, happened to me 5 years ago. I am not crazy. I hope you will believe me.

It was cold winter and I was really happy about leaving the school, because Christmas holidays has already begun. My name is Edgar, I"m 16 years old, studying in common Russian school. I do not have a lot of friends, because I do not like having fun and talking to somebody, if you are interested in my biography.

I had a best friend, called Mark. He was the same age as me and did not have friends, except me. All night long we were spending time, talking and reading horror books. It was awesome and very creepy. I had the same interests as my friend, so we liked the same stories. But one of them was my favorite, because there was an interesting and mysterious thing that i spot. It was the shortest book I have ever read, which contained only 5 pages but the sixth was torn away. We had found this book in the old small library and had stolen it away. Me and my friend are not the thiefs, by way, but we really needed it to Study and find out what riddle was hidden in that strange book, written by the unknown author. So, our story began.

Having read that book incompletely, we realized that all events happened in our town! It describes about the old abandoned clinic that settled in the woods. We needed more information.

2 weeks ago, after studying it attentively and searching a huge amount of information on the internet, we puzzled out where is that old building situated. My friend has written down the coordinates quickly and we went in the forest.

Unluckily, our small "group" has reached the hospital when it began to dusk. I saw many broken windows and dirty things. Allin all it was very horribly. We went down the stairs in the catacombs and decided to split.

I really regret about that decision. After 15 minutes I have spent in the dark I began to call my friend. Nobody answered. One more 10 minutes passed that I spend, walking and turning in a different directions. Suddenly I stunned. I do not know what exactly I saw till nowadays. There was a creature straight ahead from me, which has been sitting, shaking hands and eating something. I decided to silently go away but after he spot me, I ran away at once. I had been running till I reached my house.

At conclusion, I want to say that of course, nobody believed me, even my parents. I have not seen my friend 3 years already and I did not go to the forest and will not go there anyway.

I would like to tell you about a story that happened to me 5 years ago. I'm not crazy. I hope you believe me.

It was cold in winter and I was very happy to finish school because the Christmas holidays had already begun. My name is Edgar, 16 years old, I study in a regular Russian school. I don't have many friends because I don't like to have fun and talk to anyone, if you are interested in my biography.

I had a best friend whose name is Mark. He was the same age as me and he had no friends except me. We spent the whole night talking and reading scary books. It was amazing and very creepy. I had the same interests as my friend, so we liked the same stories. But one of them was my favorite because there was an interesting and mysterious thing about it that I discovered. It was the shortest book I've ever read, containing only 5 pages, but the sixth one was torn off. We found this book in an old small library and stole it. We are not thieves, but we really needed to study and understand what kind of mystery was hidden in this strange book written by an unknown author. So our story begins.

After reading this book in its entirety, we realized that all the events took place in our city! She describes an old abandoned clinic that was located in the forest. We needed more information.

2 weeks ago, after careful study and searching a huge amount of information on the Internet, we realized where this old building is located. My friend quickly wrote down the coordinates and we went into the forest.

Unfortunately, our little “group” reached the hospital as it began to get dark. I saw many broken windows and dirty things. Overall it all looked very terrible. We went down the stairs into the catacombs and decided to split up.

I really regret this decision. After 15 minutes that I spent in the dark, I started calling my friend. Nobody answered. Another 10 minutes passed, which I spent walking and turning in different directions. Suddenly I froze. I still don't know what I saw there. There was a creature right in front of me, sitting, moving its arms and eating something. I decided to leave silently, but after he noticed me, I immediately ran away. I ran until I reached my house.

In conclusion, I want to say that, of course, no one believed me, not even my parents. I haven't seen my friend for 3 years and I haven't gone to the forest anymore and I won't go there anyway.

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University

A lady in a faded gingham dress and her husband, dressed in a homespun threadbare suit, stepped off the train in Boston, and walked timidly without an appointment into the president of Harvard's outer office. The secretary could tell in a moment that such backwoods, country hicks had no business at Harvard and probably didn't even deserve to be in Cambridge.

She frowned. "We want to see the president," the man said softly. "He"ll be busy all day," the secretary snapped. "We"ll wait," the lady replied. For hours, the secretary ignored them, hoping that the couple would finally become discouraged and go away.

They didn"t. And the secretary grew frustrated and finally decided to disturb the president, even though it was a chore she always regretted to do. "Maybe if they just see you for a few minutes, they"ll leave," she told him.

And he sighed in exasperation and nodded. Someone of his importance obviously didn't have the time to spend with them, but he detested gingham dresses and homespun suits cluttering up his outer office. The president, stern-faced with dignity, strutted toward the couple. The lady told him, " We had a son that attended Harvard for one year. He loved Harvard. He was happy here. But about a year ago, he was accidentally killed. And my husband and I would like to erect a memorial to him, somewhere on campus."

The president wasn"t touched, he was shocked. "Madam," he said gruffly. "We can"t put up a statue for every person who attended Harvard and died. If we did, this place would look like a cemetery." "Oh, no," the lady explained quickly. "We don"t want to erect a statue.

We thought we would like to give a building to Harvard." The president rolled his eyes. He glanced at the gingham dress and homespun suit, then exclaimed, "A building! Do you have any earthly idea how much a building costs? We have over seven and a half million dollars in the physical plant at Harvard." For a moment the lady was silent. The president was pleased. He could get rid of them now. And the lady turned to her husband and said quietly," Is that all it costs to start a University? Why don"t we just start our own?" Her husband nodded. The president's face wilted in confusion and bewilderment. And Mr. and Mrs. Leland Stanford walked away, traveling to Palo Alto, California where they established the University that bears their name, a memorial to a son that Harvard is no longer cared about.

"You can easily judge the character of others by how they treat those who can do nothing for them or to them." Malcolm Forbes

Criminal Lawyers Award

A Charlotte, NC, lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against fire among other things. Within a month having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars and without yet having made even his first premium payment on the policy, the filed lawyer claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost "in a series of small fires." The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason: that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion.
The lawyer sued...and won!

In delivering the ruling the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous. The Judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigarettes were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable fire, and was obligated to pay the claim.

Rather than endure the lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for his loss of the rare cigars lost in the "fires."

After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!! With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was proud of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.

This is a true story and was the 1st place winner in the recent Criminal Lawyers Award Contest.

Great Moments in Physics

The following concerns a question in a physics degree exam at the University of Copenhagen. "Describe how to determine the height of a skyscraper with a barometer."

One student replied:
"You tie a long piece of string to the neck of the barometer, then lower the barometer from the roof of the skyscraper to the ground. The length of the string plus the length of the barometer will equal the height of the building."

This highly original answer so incensed the examiner that the student was failed. The student appealed on the grounds that his answer was indisputably correct, and the university appointed an independent arbiter to decide the case. The arbiter judged that the answer was indeed correct, but did the problem it was decided to call the student in and allow him six minutes in which to provide a verbal answer which showed at least a minimal familiarity with the basic principles of physics.

For five minutes the student sat in silence, forehead creased in thought. The arbiter reminded him that time was running out, to which the student replied that he had several extremely relevant answers, but couldn't make up his mind which to use.

On being advised to hurry up the student replied as follows:
"Firstly, you could take the barometer up to the roof of the skyscraper, drop it over the edge, and measure the time it takes to reach the ground. The height of the building can then be worked out from the formula H = 0.5g x t squared. But bad luck on the barometer."
"Or if the sun is shining you could measure the height of the barometer, then set it on end and measure the length of its shadow. Then you measure the length of the skyscraper"s shadow, and thereafter it is a simple matter of proportional arithmetic to work out the height of the skyscraper."
"But if you wanted to be highly scientific about it, you could tie a short piece of string to the barometer and swing it like a pendulum, first at ground level and then on the roof of the skyscraper. The height is worked out by the difference in the gravitational restoring force T = 2 pi sqroot (l / g)."
"Or if the skyscraper has an outside emergency staircase, it would be easier to walk up it and mark off the height of the skyscraper in barometer lengths, then add them up."
"If you merely wanted to be boring and orthodox about it, of course, you could use the barometer to measure the air pressure on the roof of the skyscraper and on the ground, and convert the difference in millibars into feet to give the height of the building."
"But since we are constantly being exhorted to exercise independence of mind and apply scientific methods, undoubtedly the best way would be to knock on the janitor"s door and say to him "If you would like a nice new barometer, I will give you this one if you tell me the height of this skyscraper."

The student was Niels Bohr, the only person from Denmark to win the Nobel prize for Physics.

A Man and His Dog

A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead. He remembered dying, and that his faithful dog had been dead for many years. He wondered where the road was leading them. After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road. It looked like fine marble. As he reached the wall, he saw a magnificent gate in the arch, and the street that led to the gate made from pure gold. He and the dog walked toward the gate, and as he got closer, he saw a man at a desk to one side.

When he was close enough, he called out, "Excuse me, where are we?"
"This is heaven, sir," the man answered.
"Wow! Would you happen to have some water? We have traveled far," the man said.
"Of course, sir. Come right in, and I"ll have some ice water brought right up."
The man gestured, and the gate began to open.
"Can my friend," gesturing toward his dog, "come in, too?" the traveler asked.
"I"m sorry, sir, but we don"t accept pets."

The man thought a moment, remembering all the years this dog remained loyal to him and then turned back toward the road and continued the way he had been going. After another long walk he came to a plain dirt road, which led through a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed. There was no fence. As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree and reading a book.

"Excuse me!" he called to the reader. "Do you have any water? We have traveled far."
"Yes, sure, there"s a faucet over there." The man pointed to a place that couldn't"t be seen from outside the gate. "Come on in and help yourself."
"How about my friend here?" the traveler gestured to his dog.
"There should be a bowl by the faucet; he is welcome to share."

They went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old-fashioned faucet with a bowl beside it. The traveler filled the bowl and took a long drink himself, then he gave some to the dog. When they were full, he and the dog walked back toward the man who was standing by the tree waiting for them.

"What do you call this place?" the traveler asked.
"This is heaven," was the answer.
"Well, that"s confusing," the traveler said. "The man down the road said that was heaven, too."
"Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates? Nope. That's hell."
"Doesn't it make you mad for them to use your name like that?"
"No. We"re just happy that they screen out the folks who"d leave their best friends behind in exchange for material things."

Poor people

A wealthy family man took his son on a trip to the country, so he could have his son see how poor country people live.
They stayed one day and one night in the home of a very humble farmer. At the end of the trip, and when they were back home, the father asked his son, "What did you think of the trip?"
The son replied, "Very nice dad."
Then the father asked his son, "Did you notice how poor they were?"
The son replied, "Yes."
The father continued asking, "What did you learn?"
The son responded, "I learned that we have one dog in our house, and they have four.
Also, we have a fountain in our garden, but they have a stream that has no end.
And we have imported lamps in our garden. . . where they have the stars!
And our garden goes to the edge of our property. But they have the entire horizon as their back yard!"
At the end of the son's reply the father was speechless.
His son then said, "Thank you dad for showing me how poor we really are."

Brownies

Many parents are hard pressed to explain to their youth why some music, movies, books, and magazines are not acceptable material for them to bring into the home or to listen to or see.

One parent came up with an original idea that is hard to refute. The father listened to all the reasons his children gave for wanting to see a particular "R" Rated movie. It had their favorite actors. Everyone else was seeing it. Even church members said it was great. It was only rated "R" because of the suggestion of sex...they never really showed it. The language was pretty good...the Lord's name was only used in vain three times in the whole movie. The teens did admit there was a scene where a building and a bunch of people were blown up, but the violence was just the normal stuff. It wasn't too bad.

Even if there were a few minor things, the special effects were fabulous and the plot was action packed. However, even with all the justifications the teens made for the "R" rating, the father still wouldn't give in. He didn't even give his children a satisfactory explanation for saying, "No." He just said, "No!"

A little later on that evening the father asked his teens if they would like some brownies he had baked. He explained that he"d took the family"s favorite recipe and added a little something new. The children asked what it was. The father calmly replied that he had added dog poop.

However, he quickly assured them, it was only a little bit. All other ingredients were gourmet quality and he had taken great care to bake the brownies at the precise temperature for the exact time. He was sure the brownies would be superb.

Even with their father" promises that the brownies were of almost perfect quality, the teens would not take any. The father acted surprised. After all, it was only one small part that was causing them to be so stubborn. He was certain they would hardly notice it. Still the teens held firm and would not try the brownies.

The father then told his children how the movie they wanted to see was just like the brownies. Our minds are tricking us into believing that just a little bit of evil won"t matter. But, the truth is even a little bit of poop makes the difference between a great treat and something disgusting and totally unacceptable. The father went on to explain that even though the movie industry would have us believe that most of today's movies are acceptable fare for adults and youth, they are not.

Now when this father's children want to do something or see something they should not, the father simply asks them if they would like some of his special brownies... and they never ask about that activity again.

Police Patrol

From the state where drunk driving is considered a sport, comes this absolutely true story. Recently a routine police patrol parked outside a bar in Fort Worth, Texas. After the last call the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing. After what seemed an eternity in which he tried his keys on five different vehicles, the man managed to find his truck and trailer and fall into it. He sat there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally, he got into the car and started the engine, switched the wipers on and off....it was a fine, dry summer night, flicked the blinkers on and off a couple of times, honked the horn and then switched on the lights. He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little and then remained still for a few more minutes as some more of the other patrons" vehicles left. Finally, when his was the only car left in the parking lot, he pulled out and drove slowly down the road. The police officer, having waited patiently all this time, now started up his patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over and administered a breathalyzer test To his amazement, the breathalyzer indicated no evidence. that the man had consumed any alcohol at all! Dumbfounded, the officer said, "I"ll have to ask you to accompany me to the police station. This breathalyzer equipment must be broken." "I seriously doubt it," said the truly proud Hillbilly. "Tonight I"m the designated decoy."

People work most of the time in order to live, and the free time that remains worries them so much that they try in every way to get rid of it. This is wrong. We must not forget to create memories and enjoy the moments. We must not forget to live.

Essay on The story of my life

Let me introduce myself. My name is Anna German. I was born in Novokuznetsk, on the 1st of October 1986. It was very nasty weather this day, cold and rainy. I could say that I had quite a happy and exciting childhood. I hated wearing dresses and behaved like a tomboy. Thanks to my elder brother. At the age of 8, my family moved to another country. I love my new homeland, but I still miss Russia.

I studied foreign languages ​​at university and graduated in 2009. I can’t say that I was a bookworm, but I really enjoyed studying. I didn’t finish university with flying colors, but according to my teachers, I was good.

Now I’m almost 30. When I look at myself in the mirror I see a young woman with short wavy hair, gray-green eyes and a slender figure. As to my appearance, I think I’m short. I’ve never considered myself a beauty. I don’t like wearing high-heeled shoes, but I can’t imagine my life without trousers or jeans. I think that I"m pretty calm and modest. But sometimes I can lose my temper and become really angry. I like staying alone and spend my free time reading books in my cozy flat. I have a few friends and I think they are the best. I love good jokes and I think I"ve got a nice sense of humor. It means I understand and appreciate it.

Nowadays I live alone in a city far from my parents" place. I terribly miss my mom, dad and my brother. I try to visit them once or twice a month. When we are together, we drive to our country house in the village . My mom cooks something delicious and dad goes fishing with my brother. I prefer spending time with the male half of our family. Just to let you know that I'm terrible at cooking.

I admit that I’m a lazy person, so, my hobby is not riding a bike, skating or skiing. I collect photos and souvenirs from all the countries I have visited. I’ve been to Egypt, Greece, Poland, Sweden and Germany. And my dream is to visit Great Britain, walk around London and visit my friend in Glasgow, Scotland.

Essay on the topic The story of my life

Let me introduce myself. My name is Anna German. I was born in Novokuznetsk, October 1, 1986. The weather that day was extremely unpleasant, cold and rainy. I can say that I had a quite happy and exciting childhood. I hated wearing dresses and acted like a tomboy. Thanks to my big brother for this. When I was 8, my family moved to another country. I like my new homeland, but I still miss Russia.

I studied foreign languages ​​at university and graduated in 2009. I can't say that I was a bookworm, but I really enjoyed studying. I didn't graduate with flying colors, but according to my teachers, I was good.

Now I'm almost 30. When I look at myself in the mirror, I see a young woman with short wavy hair, gray-green eyes and a slender figure. As for my appearance, I think I'm short. I never considered myself a beauty. I don't like wearing high heels, but I can't imagine my life without trousers or jeans. I think that I am quite calm and modest. But sometimes I can lose my temper and get very angry. I like privacy and spend my free time reading books in my cozy apartment. I have several friends and I think they are the best. I love good jokes and I think I have a good sense of humor. This means that I understand and appreciate him.

Currently I live alone in the city, far from my parents. I miss my mom, dad and brother terribly. I try to visit them once or twice a month. When we are together, we go to our country house in the village. My mother is cooking something delicious, and my father and my brother are going fishing. I prefer to spend time with the male half of our family. Just letting you know that I'm terrible at cooking.

Frankly, I am a lazy person, so my hobby is not cycling, skating or skiing. I collect photographs and souvenirs from all the countries I have visited. I have been to Egypt, Greece, Poland, Sweden and Germany. And my dream is to visit the UK, walk around London and visit my friend in Glasgow, Scotland.

Similar essays

Everyone knows that laughter is the best cure for stress. Combine business with pleasure: read these short funny stories and practice your English with pleasure.

If you need to write a mystical story in English, I have prepared separately

My meeting with a traffic cop

My meeting with a traffic cop - A funny story from life

It was seven years ago.
I was driving to work.

I drove up to the office and broke a traffic rule — I crossed a double solid line on the road.
At that time, a police officer was standing on the street.
I thought he saw me go over the double lines.
But he kept standing.

I drove further slowly because I was near my office.
At that time, a car backed up.
The driver didn’t see my car, and smashed into it.

That police officer ran up to us and said to me:
“I have seen everything: you violated traffic rules, you have a dead body in your trunk, and drugs in your car.
Can I see your driver’s license?”

I’m standing, I’m hearing, and I can’t say anything.

Then he laughed and said: “Miss, please smile, you looked so upset that I had to tell you something to cheer you up” and let me go.

TRANSLATION OF TEXT

This was 7 years ago.
I was on my way to work.

I had already arrived at the office, but I violated the traffic rules - I crossed the double solid line.
And there was just a traffic police officer standing there.
I thought he saw me cross the line.
But he continued to stand.

Then a traffic cop runs up and says:
“I saw everything - you broke the rules, you have a corpse and drugs in your trunk.
Can I have your driver's license?"

I stand there listening and can’t say anything.

Then he laughed and said: “Girl, smile, you’re standing there so upset, I had to at least somehow make you laugh/encourage you,” after which he let me go.

Fortune and the man

One day a man was walking along the street. He carried an old bag in his hands. He was wondering why people who had so much money were never satisfied and always wanted more. “As to me,” he said, “if I had enough to eat, I should not ask for anything else.”

Just at this moment Fortune came down the street. She heard the man and stopped.

“Listen,” she said, “I want to help you. Hold your bag, and I shall pour diamonds into it. But every diamond which falls on the ground will become dust. Do you understand?”

“Oh, yes, I understand,” said the man. He quickly opened his bag and stream of diamonds was poured into it. The bag began to grow heavy. “Is that enough?” asked Fortune. “Not yet.” The man's hand began to tremble.

“You are the richest man in the world now.” Said fortune.

“Just a few more, and a few more,” said the man. Another diamond was added and the bag slipped. All the diamonds fell on the ground and became dust.

Fortune disappeared, leaving the man in the street.

TRANSLATION OF TEXT

One day a poor man was walking down the street. In his hands was an old bag. He walked and thought: “Why are people who have a lot of money never happy and always want more money?”
“As for me,” he thought, if I only had enough for food, I wouldn’t need anything more.”
At that moment, Fate passed him by. She heard the poor man and stopped.
“Listen,” she said, “I want to help you. Give me your bag, I'll fill it with diamonds. But if even one diamond falls to the ground, the entire contents of the bag will turn to dust. Understand?
“Oh, of course, I understand,” replied the poor man. He quickly opened his bag and diamonds fell into his bag. The bag became heavy.
"Enough?" asked Fate.
“Not yet,” the man answered, his hands trembling.
“You are the richest man in the world,” said Fate.
"More! Just a little more!” said the poor man.
At that moment, another diamond fell into the overflowing bag.
The bag slipped out of the poor man’s hands and fell to the ground, and the diamonds immediately became dust.
Fate disappeared, leaving the poor man on the street.

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

Everyone has heard of Sherlock Holmes. Everyone has read stories about Sherlock Holmes at one time or another. Sherlock Holmes was a famous detective. Actually, he was the most famous detective of all times.

The author of the Sherlock Holmes stories was Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.
Once Sir Arthur arrived in Paris. He took a cab and asked the cabman to take him to the Ritz, the hotel where he was going to spend the night.

The cabman brought him to the hotel. When he received the fare he said:
“Thank you very much, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.”
“How do you know who I am?” asked Sir Arthur. He was very much surprised.

“Well, sir, I read in the newspaper yesterday that you were coming to Paris from the South of France. I also noticed that your hair was cut by a barber in the South of France. Your clothes and especialy your hat told me that you were English. I put all the information together and quessed that you were Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.”

“That is wonderful,” said Sir Arthur.
“You could recognize me though you knew very few facts.”

“Besides,” added the cabman. Your name is on both of your travelling bags. That also helped.”

So, the cabman played a good joke on Conan Doyle.

TRANSLATION OF TEXT

Everyone has heard of Sherlock Holmes. At one time or another, everyone has read stories about Sherlock Holmes. Sherlock Holmes was a famous detective. In fact, he was the most famous detective of all time.
The author of the Sherlock Holmes stories was Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. One day Sir Arthur arrived in Paris. He took a taxi and asked the taxi driver to take him to the Ritz hotel where he was going to spend the night. The driver brought him to the hotel. When he received the fare, he said:
"Thank you very much, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle."
"How do you know who I am?" - asked Sir Arthur. He was very surprised.
“Well, sir, yesterday I read in the newspaper that you are traveling to Paris from the south of France. I also noticed that you had your hair cut by a barber in the south of France.
Your clothes and especially your hat say that you are English. I put all these facts together and realized that you are Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.
“Wonderful,” said Sir Arthur. “You were able to recognize me knowing very few facts.”
“Besides,” added the cabman, “your name is on both of your traveling bags. That helped too."
Thus, the cabman made a good joke on Conan Doyle.

Honesty is the best policy

A woodman was once working on the bank of a deep river. Suddenly his ax slipped from his hand and dropped into the water.
“Oh! I have lost my ax,” he cried. “What shall I do? Who can help me?”
Mercury heard the poor man’s cries and appeared before him.

‘What is the matter, poor woodman?’ he asked. “What has happened? Why are you so sad and unhappy?”
Mercury listened to the man’s story and then said, “Perhaps I can help you.” He dived into the river and brought up a golden ax. “Is this yours?” he asked. “No, that is not mine,” was the answer.

Mercury dived a second time and this time brought up a silver axe. “Is this yours?” he asked. Again the answer was “No.” So Mercury dived a third time and brought up the very ax that the woodman had lost. “That’s my ax,” cried the man. “Yes, that is my axe. Now I can work again.”

Mercury was so pleased with the follow’s honesty that at once he made him a present of the other two axes and disappeared before the man could say, “Thank you.”

The woodman went home very pleased with his good luck. He told his friends all about it and one of them decided to try his luck. So he went to the same place, dropped his ax into the river, and cried out: “Oh! I have lost my ax. What shall I do? Who can help me?”

Mercury appeared as before, and when he learned that man had lost his axe, he dived into the river. Again he brought up a golden ax. “Is this yours”? he asked.

“Yes, it is,” answered the woodman. “You are not telling me the truth,” said Mercury.

You will neither have this ax nor the one that you so foolishly dropped into the water.”

TRANSLATION OF TEXT

One day a woodcutter was working on the banks of a deep river. Suddenly the ax slipped out of his hands and fell into the water.
"Oh! “I lost my axe,” he exclaimed. "What should I do? Who can help me?
Mercury heard the cries of the poor man and appeared before him.
“What happened, poor guy?” he asked. “What happened? Why are you so sad and unhappy?

Mercury listened to the man's story and then said, “Perhaps I can help you.” He dived into the river and picked up the golden axe. "Is this your axe?" he asked. “No, it’s not mine,” was the woodcutter’s answer. Mercury dove a second time, and this time he picked up the silver axe. “Is this yours?” he asked. Again the answer was “No”. Mercury dived for the third time and picked up the ax that the woodcutter had lost. “This is my ax,” exclaimed the poor man. “Yes, this is my axe. Now I can work again."

Mercury was so pleased with his friend's honesty that he immediately made him a gift of two other axes and disappeared before the man could say, “Thank you.”
The woodcutter returned home very pleased with his luck. He told his friends about all this, and one of them decided to try his luck. He approached the same place, dropped the ax into the river and shouted: “Oh! I lost my axe. What should I do? Who can help me?
Mercury appeared as before, and when he learned that the man had lost his axe, he dived into the river. He picked up the golden axe. "Is this your axe"? he asked.
“Yes, it’s mine,” answered the woodcutter. “You are not telling the truth,” said Mercury.
You won’t get this ax and yours, which you foolishly threw into the water.”

A present from the son

Long ago there lived an old woman in England. She had a son who was a sailor. He went to different countries and always brought presents for his old mother.

Once he went to China and brought some tea from that country.
At that time tea was very expensive and only rich people could buy and drink it. So the old woman was very happy to have such a nice present. But she didn’t know what to do with it as she had never bought tea before. She thought it was a vegetable. She told her friends about her son’s present and invited them to taste it with her. At last the day of the tea-party came. The woman called her guests to the dining-room and put a big dish of tea leaves on the table. The guests began to eat the leaves with salt just as they ate vegetables. Nobody liked it but didn’t tell the woman about it and continued to eat the leaves.

Some tome later the sailor came into the room. When he saw that all the guests were eating leaves, he smiled.

“What are you doing? Why are eating these leaves? Where is the tea?”
“Here it is, my son,” the old woman said.
“And where is the water in which you have boiled the leaves?” asked the man laughing.
“I threw it away, of course,” answered the woman.

TRANSLATION OF TEXT

Once upon a time in England there lived an elderly woman. She had a son who was a sailor. He traveled to different countries and always brought gifts to his old mother.

One day he went to China and brought tea from this country. At that time, tea was very expensive, and only rich people could buy and drink such tea. Therefore, the old lady was very happy to have such a pleasant gift. But she didn't know what to do with such tea, since she had never bought it before. She thought it was a vegetable.

She told her friends about her son's gift and invited them to try this tea. Finally the day of the tea party arrived. The woman called her guests into the dining room and placed a large dish of tea leaves on the table. The guests began to eat the leaves with salt, as they did when they ate vegetables. Nobody liked it, but no one told the old woman about it, and continued to eat the leaves.
Some time later the son entered the room.
When he saw that all the guests were eating the leaves, he smiled.
"What are you doing?
Why are you eating these leaves?
Where's the tea?

“Here he is, my son,” said the old woman.
“Where is the water in which you boiled the leaves?” - the son asked, laughing.
“Of course, I poured it out,” the mother replied.

I’m four years old at home, and two and a half in buses and trains

A mother and her young son got into a bus and sat down. The bus conductor came up to them and asked them to pay the fare. The mother said, ‘I want one ticket to Oxford,’ and gave him a shilling.

The conductor was looking at the small boy for a few seconds and then said, ‘How old are you, young man?’
The mother began speaking, but the conductor stopped her, and the boy said, ‘I’m four years old at home, and two and a half in buses and trains.’

The mother took sixpence more out of her bag and gave it to the bus conductor.
He gave her one ticket and a half.

TRANSLATION OF TEXT

A young woman with a small child entered the bus and sat down on the seat. The bus conductor approached them and asked them to pay for the fare. Handing over one shilling, the woman says: “I need one ticket to Oxford.”

Looking at the child, the conductor asked the mother: “How old are you, young man?”
The woman started to speak, but the conductor stopped her and the boy said: “At home I’m four years old, but on buses and trains I’m 2.5.”

The woman took another sixpence from her bag and gave it to the conductor. And he gave her one adult and one child ticket.

I prefer to play the part of a great man on the stage

Once David Garrick, a famous actor, was told by a Member of Parliament that as he was so popular he could easily become an MP too. “No thank you,” the actor replied. “I prefer to play the part of a great man on the stage than the part of a fool in Parliament.”

TRANSLATION OF TEXT

Since David Garrick was a famous actor, one day, one of the members of parliament told him that the actor could easily join parliament.
“No, thank you,” the actor replied.
“I prefer to play the role of a great man on stage than a fool in parliament.”

Can my dog ​​have a seat in the bus?

One wet day a woman with a dog got on a bus. It was a very big dog and its feet were dirty.
The woman said, “Oh, conductor, if I pay for my dog, can he have a seat like the other passengers?”

The conductor looked at the dog and then said, “Certainly, madam, he can have a seat, but like the other passengers, he mustn’t put his feet on it.”

TRANSLATION OF TEXT

One rainy day, a woman with a dog got on the bus. The dog was very big and had dirty paws. The woman asked, “Conductor, can my dog ​​sit on the seat like other passengers if I pay for its fare?”
The conductor looked at the dog and replied: “Of course, madam, the dog can sit down, but she, like all passengers, should not sit with her feet on the seat.”

Why do men in this country wear black when they marry?

Mrs. Robinson was a teacher in a big school in an American city. She had boys and girls in her class, and she always enjoyed teaching them, because they were quick and because they thought about everything carefully.

One day she said to the children: “People in a lot of countries in Asia wear white clothes at funerals, but people in America and in Europe wear white clothes when they're happy, what color does a woman in this country wear when she marries, Mary?

Mary said, “White, Miss because she’s happy.”

“That's good, Mary,” Mrs. Robinson said. “You're quite right. She wears white because she’s happy.”
But then one of the boys in the class put his hand up.

“Yes, Dick,” Mrs. Robinson said. “Do you want to ask a question?”
“Yes, Miss,” Dick said. “Why do men in this country wear black when they marry?”

TRANSLATION OF TEXT

Mrs. Robinson was a teacher in a large school in an American city. She had boys and girls in her class, whom she loved to teach because... they grasped everything on the fly and carefully studied the material. She once told the children:
“People in many Asian countries wear white clothes for funerals, while in America and Europe we wear white clothes for holidays when we are happy. What color clothes will a girl wear in our country when she gets married?”
“White, Miss, because she’s happy,” Maria answered.
“Okay, Maria,” Mrs. Robinson said. “You're absolutely right. She wears white because she is happy."
But then one of the students in the class raised his hand.
“Yes, Dick,” said Mrs. Robinson. “Do you want to ask a question?”
“Yes, Miss,” Dick replied.
“Why do our men wear black clothes when they get married?”

We at Lingvistov often say that our task is to learn English in an interesting way. When you are captivated by the process itself and you see its meaning, then you will undoubtedly learn English quickly and painlessly. Therefore, we decided to diversify everyday life, filled with grammar and boring educational texts, and offer a selection of jokes in English! Funny stories in English will help you develop your language skills, expand your vocabulary and simply improve your mood.

Woops Sorry About That

Marvin, was in the hospital on his death bed. The family called Marvin’s Preacher to be with him in his final moments. As the Preacher stood by the bed, Marvin’s condition seemed to deteriorate, and Marvin motioned for someone to quickly pass him a pen and paper. The Preacher quickly got a pen and paper and lovingly handed it to Marvin. But before he had a chance to read the note, Marvin died. The Preacher feeling that now wasn’t the right time to read it put the note in his jacket pocket. It was at the funeral while speaking that the Preacher suddenly remembered the note. Reaching deep into his pocket the Preacher said “and you know what, I suddenly remembered that right before Marvin died he handed me a note, and knowing Marvin I’m sure it was something inspiring that we can all gain from. With that introduction the Preacher ripped out the note and opened it. The note said “HEY, YOU ARE STANDING ON MY OXYGEN TUBE!”

TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell "crocodile?"

GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L"

TEACHER: No, that's wrong.

GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.

Bad Date Joke

“Hi Sarah, listen I just have a minute. I’m about to get picked up for a blind date, can you call me in a half hour just in case it’s going bad? Yes? Ok great! We'll speak.” Raquel gave herself a quick spray of perfume, checked herself out one more time in the mirror, and headed outside to wait for the guy. Sure enough after twenty minutes Raquel was discreetly checking her watch. After ten more long minutes her phone finally buzzed. Raquel listened for a few seconds, grimly pursed her lips, and turned to her date, “I feel terrible, but my Grandmother is terribly sick, and I must go home now.” “No problem!” Said her date with a big grin, “in a few more minutes my dog ​​was going to get run over!”

The child and his mother

A curious child asked his mother: “Mommy, why are some of your hairs turning grey?”

The mother tried to use this occasion to teach her child: “It is because of you, dear. Every bad action of yours will turn one of my hairs grey!”

The child replied innocently: “Now I know why grandmother has only gray hairs on her head.”

Homework

PUPIL – “Would you punish me for something I didn’t do?”

TEACHER – “Of course not.”

PUPIL – “Good, because I haven`t done my homework.”

* * *

TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother"s. Did you copy his?

CLYDE: No, sir. It's the same dog.

* * *

TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?

SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.

* * *

TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?

LOUIS: Because George still had the ax in his hand.

Math, Physics, & Philosophy

Dean, to the physics department. "Why do I always have to give you guys so much money, for laboratories and expensive equipment and stuff. Why couldn't you be like the math department - all they need is money for pencils, paper and waste-paper baskets. Or even better, like the philosophy department. All they need are pencils and paper."

Mental Patient

John and David were both patients in a Mental Hospital. One day, while they were walking, they passed the hospital swimming pool and John suddenly dove into the deep end. He sank to the bottom and stayed there. David promptly jumped in and saved him, swimming to the bottom of the pool and pulling John out. The medical director came to know of David's heroic act. He immediately ordered that David be discharged from the hospital as he now considered him to be OK. The doctor said, "David, we have good news and bad news for you! The good news is that we are going to discharge you because you have regained your sanity. Since you were able to jump in and save another patient, you must be mentally stable. The bad news is that the patient that you saved hung himself in the bathroom and died after all." David replied, "Doctor, John didn"t hang himself. I hung him there to dry."

News Stand

A newsboy was standing on the corner with a stack of papers, yelling, "Read all about it. Fifty people swindled! Fifty people swindled!" Curious, a man walked over, bought a paper, and checked the front page. What he saw yesterday"s paper. The man said, "Hey, this is an old paper, where"s the story about the big swindle?" The newsboy ignored him and went on calling out, “Read all about it. Fifty-one people swindled!”

School Question

Mother: "Why are you home from school so early?"